Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
