Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
