She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
