There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
