if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
