I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
