So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
