Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
