what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
