I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
