Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
