A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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