That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
