so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
