I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
And then he peed in my hair
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