Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
youre lurking in front of me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
