I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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