if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
