when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
