No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
