i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
