remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
