i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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