There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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