Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
