Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
