The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
