Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
