I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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