The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
