hell yes lets make some ravioli
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
