The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
