I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
