He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
