He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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