so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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