You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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