I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I want to make a zoo with you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
