she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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