i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
