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I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
