I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
