Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
