also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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