grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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