Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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