I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im holly from the hills drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
