literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm like, not good at living.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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