i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
