I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
