So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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