Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
