literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
