Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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