Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
