census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
