last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
